A Testament to Kindness

By now you've heard all about hero Antoinette Tuff, right?

Just to recap, she's the incredibly brave woman who, while relieving a fellow co-worker in the front office of the elementary school they work at, found herself face-to-face with a crazed gunman.  And with kindness and love, she convinced this crazed gunman not to go through with his plans to murder countless children and teachers.  While he fired his AK-47.  And shouted demands.  And said he was off his medication.  And was locked in the room with her.  She told him that she loved him.  That we've all been in tough spots.  That he was brave to surrender.  She saw the humanity in him and she saved lives.  If you haven't listened to her remarkable 911 call, it is worth your time.

I can't imagine being in that situation.  And I can't imagine that I'd be able to look down the barrel of a gun and react with such poise, grace and balls/ovaries of steel.  But I do know that I want to live my life a little more like Antoinette:  with more compassion and kindness.

Kindness is something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

I recently read George Saunders's speech to the new graduates of Syracuse University and what he chose to impart really sat with me.  He didn't emphasize "following your dreams" or capitalizing on the opportunities their degrees were going to provide.  He talked about living a life of kindness.  After relaying a story about a girl that was in his seventh grade class who was picked on and how he was not one who bullied her but he was also not one who was overly nice to her, he asks rhetorically what he regrets most in his life.  He answers with this:

So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly.  Reservedly.  Mildly.Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope:  Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?Those who were kindest to you, I bet. 

(Another thing I highly recommend:  Read George Saunders's speech in it's entirety.  I'm printing it out...and highlighting my favorite bits.  It should be required reading for everyone.)

This graphic has been floating around Pinterest lately:

I'd like to think I'm a nice person.  But don't we all think that of ourselves?  The thing is, being nice and being kind are too different things.  Being nice speaks to me of being polite.  Being kind speaks to me of showing love.  I think it's possible to be "too nice."  But being "too kind"?  I don't know if that's possible.  And I know that there are times in my life when I could have been kinder.  Not so quick to judge or to be snarky or to be dismissive or defensive.  When I look at my sweet boy who doesn't know yet how cruel the world can be and how we build walls around our hearts and throw barbs before they can be thrown at us, I want to be better.  I want to be more open.  I want to be more like him.  

Somewhere along the line I started equating being kind as a weakness.  But Antoinette Tuff has reminded me that being kind can be one of the greatest shows of strength.  It's easy to be unkind in a world that is cruel.  It's reactionary, treating perceived slights with slights in return.  It's a greater challenge to rise above the mean/sarcastic/defensive/scary and to show kindness to those who need it most.  

So, from here on out, I'm making a concerted effort to be kinder.  There will be times, no doubt, when I will fail but I'm making it a goal.  In fact, I failed already today at the grocery store when a man ran into me because he was texting and I gave him a "yeah right" look when he apologized.  He apologized. And I was snarky.  Who's the jerk now??  I don't want Owen mimicking that behavior! So I'm challenging myself to be a testament to kindness.

Because "what the world needs now is love, sweet love." 

And I hope I can be a part of that love.  

And maybe it will be reflected in my son's life.  

And maybe that love can change the world.